August 2016

Holy Wow! What a whirlwind. July was a month of everything in all directions. How is it possible to have so many emotions in so many directions at the exact same time? Things building up; things cracking; things coming together; things crumbling …. It’s all part of something way bigger than us though right this very minute – it is very challenging to see beyond the end of my nose.

Closing July and starting August – let’s just say it is a very rough season in the Arms home. I know God is asking me to share a more raw less cleaned up version of me right now … laying my fear before His throne and going for it!

My world feels like a game right at the moment and everything is happening in slow motion. I can’t tell if the next move brings me closer to victory or if it pulls the rug out from under me. I am not at all where I thought I would be right now in any area of my life and I just want to know that I will be ok – which really means it will be easy, it won’t hurt and I can stay comfortable.

Feeling a little edgey – I need to check in on my health. I believe my total health includes Marital, Emotional, Physical, and Fiscal and these areas are glued together solely by the strength of my Spiritual health. (Years ago, I took the time to figure out what this means for me based on God’s Word and I use this process as a personal roadmap.)

Maritally, Thad and I choose to invest some of our free time in serving. As of August 1^st, we are stepping back from that to address an unresolved issue from our past that is significantly impacting our marriage. It has shaken me more than I can even admit. My area of service needs to be my husband and my marriage. I know God’s got it and I will be ok – but man, I have no desire to walk through it. Honestly – I’d like to just wake up on the other side.

Emotionally, the grieving has started as the time to say earthly goodbyes to my friend Jen draws near. I praise God for our friendship and the blessings God poured over so many in and through her! She continues to be on fire for Jesus even as cancer ravages what is left of her body. Though she doesn’t want to leave her husband and young son, she is ready for Heaven and worshiping God without interruption for eternity.

Physically, I am actually doing better than I have in years. I am moving consistently, eating appropriately for me and I am actually discovering so much about what healthy feels like. I can tell the sleep and stress are starting to take their toll.

Financially, we are doing good. Our budget is on track and we know how we want to use our biggest ever Plexus paycheck to bless someone (yes – the monster number from July was hit!) We are aggressively paying off our car and our mortgage and it is quite possible to have the car paid in full within the next few months – major praise!

Spiritually, God and I are spending a lot of time together and our conversations are intense. God is big and he is good. He is unshakeable and unchangeable. He called me to be his and knew my everyday before he laid the foundation of the earth …. Choosing to believe that if my circumstances aren’t good – God’s not done! Going to just breathe and meditate on his truth for a while.

John 16:31-33 (NLT)

Jesus asked, “Do you finally believe? But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me.  I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

May 2016

Whenever I struggle and get stressed I can fall back into old patterns that hang on the framework of self-protection and self-reliance. I find myself fighting to make it on my own with this insane streak of I have to do “it” on my own! My focus this month is going to nurture my relationship with the only reliable source of strength – my heavenly Father. What does it mean to abide and what would it be like to live with that focus for the month?

I can so bury myself in analysis paralysis creating unnecessary confusion and then decide that I don’t know how to move out of wonky head space. Reality – God is on his throne all the time! His greatest command has never changed – God has called me first and foremost to love him and then love others. And still on this journey, I can find myself believing that I “need” someone else to ____________ (fill in the blank).

Most days, I know I am smart, determined, capable, and usually likeable. And like other ladies I know – I can struggle with doing what I know I can when the motivation is because I want to or its good for me and my family.

I can’t be the only one that will bend over backwards turning myself inside out to love, serve and support the ease, comfort or rise to the top of others; however, I don’t understand what is going on in my head, my heart, or my beliefs when why I sell my own dreams short. I’d hate to imagine a world that I somehow lost my ability to dream?

Psalm 91:14-16 The Message ~

“If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God,
“I’ll get you out of any trouble.
I’ll give you the best of care
if you’ll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I’ll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!”

I choose to trust God regardless of my circumstances. You are a God that is in the details and this month – I will invite you into the details. I pray that intentionally growing closer to you in the coming month, you will teach me how to follow, submit, or surrender to you in all areas of my life. Remind me the truth of who I am and let me only hear your voice in the quiet and through the believers in my world. Give me the ability to fully feel the comfort that is beyond anything this world can offer and comes only from being close to you. Help me see beyond today into the works you planned for me long ago.